Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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