Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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