how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
