Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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