If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
