So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
