Already got asked if we're dating
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
