As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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