Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i drank out of a bidet.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
