Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
