Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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