Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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