Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
