Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
