I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
