Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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