TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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