now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
