Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
