So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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