it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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