you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
