dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
