My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
