your parents love me but you hate me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
