3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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