Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
