It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
