We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
3 2 1 whiskey
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
