There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
