Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
3 2 1 whiskey
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
