Whats the glycemic index on semen?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
