i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
