is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
