and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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