I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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