I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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