This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
