it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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