Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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