dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
