i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
