I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
