but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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