I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize