and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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