I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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