I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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