You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
