At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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