I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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