Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
