what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
