One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
