I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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