Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
