Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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