The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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