I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
