Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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