I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
